The Otto Show/Quotes
:Otto's residence. He cannot open his front door, oblivious to his surrounding. :Sign: EVICTION NOTICE. You are ordered to vacate the premises immediately. :Otto: Hey landlord, some clown changed my locks, padlocked the door and put up an eviction notice. :Landlord: Yeah, that was me. :Otto: You? But, why? :Landlord: Because you haven't paid your rent. :Otto: Well, can I at least get my stuff? :Landlord: All I found in there was a jar of mustard and a couple of old Psycho magazines. :Otto: (astonished) Wow... I had mustard? ---- :Marge: Otto, you can't watch TV all day. :Otto: You're right. I should do some reading. You got any "Where's Waldo" books? :Marge: No. :Otto: A book from a vampire’s point of view? :Marge: No. :Otto: Anything where guys send in naked pictures of their chicks? :Marge: Otto, I think you should get a job. :Otto: The only job I was good at was driving a bus, and now "the man" says I need a piece of paper to do that. ---- :(Otto starts playing guitar loudly.) :Homer: Will you knock it off!? I can't hear myself think. (Otto stops.) :Homer's Head: I want some peanuts. :Homer: That's better. ---- :Patty: My name is Patty. I will be testing you. When you're doing good, I use the green pen. When you're doing bad I use the red pen. Any questions? :Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I don't want to offend you but were you were born a man? You can tell me, I'm open minded. :Patty drops green pen. :Patty: I won't be needing this. ---- :Homer: Of course I'm not mad. If something's hard to do, then it's not worth doing! ---- :Homer: All right, he can stay. But I get to treat him like garbage. :Otto: Wow! What's the catch? ---- :Bart: Mom, I thought you might forget our little conversation this afternoon, so I took the precaution of recording it. :Marge: What conversation? :Bart: (on tape) Mom, can Otto live in our garage for as long as he wants? (impression of Marge) He sure can! :Homer: Marge! What were you thinking? :Marge: That's not my voice! :Homer: Oh, everybody says that when they hear themselves on tape. ---- :Marge: I know we didn't ask for this Homer, but doesn't the Bible say "Whatsoever you do unto the least of my children, that which you do unto Me?" :Homer: Yes, but doesn't the bible also say "Thou shalt not...take moochers into thy hut." ---- :Skinner: It's a miracle nobody was hurt. :Otto: I stand on my record. Fifteen crashes and not a single fatality. ---- :Homer: Now, boy, we spent a lot of money, so you'd better get real good real fast, or POW! :Marge: Homer! :Homer: Hey, I thought I was supposed to encourage him. ---- :Headmaster's office. Otto is under arrest for reckless driving. :Lou: Let’s see your license, pal! :Otto: No can-do, never got one. But if you need proof of my identity I wrote my name on my underwear. Oh wait, these aren't mine! :Principal Skinner: Well, that tears it. Until you get a license and learn to wear your own clothes, you are suspended without pay! :Otto is shocked at his punishment :Otto:Who's going to drive the bus? :Principal Skinner: I drove an all-terrain vehicle in DaNang. I think I can handle it. ---- :Nelson: Hey Simpson, what are you trying to play? :Bart: Polly-Wally-Doodle. :Nelson: Oh yeah, well it sounds Polly-Wally-Crappy. ---- :Martin: Although I'm sure I will receive a severe wedgie from my bus-mates, I must remind you that we should have been at school 10 minutes ago. :Otto: Uh oh, better fasten your seatbelts, little dudes. :Lisa: We don't have seatbelts. :Otto: Uh, well, then just try to go limp. ---- :Bart: Otto, you are the coolest adult ever! :Otto: Wow! I've never been called an adult before, I've been tried as one but. ---- :Bart: Otto-Man? You're living in a dumpster? :Otto: Ho, man, I wish. Dumpster-brand trash bins are top-of-the-line. This is just a Trash-Co waste disposal unit. ---- :Otto: I don't know about this, Bart dude. Your dad was right, I am a bum... :Bart: He didn't call you a bum, he called you a sponge. :Otto: SPONGE?! (Punches wall) I'll show him what this sponge can do! ---- :Spinal Tap: I just walked out there and there’s puddles of water all over the freakin’ stage. :Rock Fan: Huh, I don’t want to lie to you boys. Six days a week this place is a hockey rink. :Spinal Tap: Yeah, well this is a rock concert, not the bleeding splish splash show. ---- :Spinal Tap: Well, it seems some silly twit did not get a big enough oxygen tank, but that's supposed to be a devil. Filled up with air it's very evil and impressive. We salute you, our half inflated Dark Lord! ---- :Kent Brockman: Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's "The Magic Flute." So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this reporter’s opinion, the answer, sadly, is 'yes'. ---- :Bart: Mom, I want to be a rockstar. :Marge: Hmmmmm we'll discuss it later. Is Milhouse okay? :Homer: Uh, I'll be right back.... :Milhouse: the arena lying under a pile of folding chairs Heeeelp. ---- :Homer singing: There was a little Spanish flea. A record star he thought he'd be. He heard of singers like Beatles, The Chipmunks he'd seen on TV. Why not a little Spanish flea? And so he hid inside a dog... ---- :Marge: I don't understand why don't you stay with your parents? :Otto: 'The admiral and I don't get along. ---- :'Otto: Please let me stay here. I've got nowhere else to go. :Homer: Forget it. That line didn't work for my dad, and it's not going to work for you. ---- :Homer: Listen, you drain-clogging, last-cookie-eating, collect-call-getting sponge! I want you out of my house! ---- :Bart: Rough day, Apu? Help me a squishee and don't spare the syrup. :Apu: Oh, perhaps you would like to try an experimental flavor of my own concoction. A delicious Chutney Squishee. :Bart: Oh... okay…slurp :Apu: You can really taste the chutney! ---- :Bart: Otto Mann where'd you learn how to play the guitar? :Otto: 'It's all I ever did in high school, but my Old man said I was wasting my time and I'd never amount to anything. ---- :'Homer: 'Boy, some of the best times I’ve ever had were in the back seat of a car. ---- :'Otto: I want to take the test again! :Patty: Why? :Otto: So I can staple my license on Homer Simpson's big bald head! :Patty: (changes her demeanor upon hearing Homer's name) Really! ---- :(During the driving test) :Otto: Homer had a piece of food stuck to his face for three days! :(Patty laughs as Otto tells her more stories of Homer and his crude behavior) :Otto: And it wasn't little either, it was a chicken wing! :Patty: (laughing) Wing! Category:Quotes Category:Season 3 quotes